Tips to Help Your Child Make New Friends

It doesn’t matter what grade your child is in - making new friends can be hard.  If your child is attending a new school, it’s natural to be nervous. Some kids believe the more friends you have, the more popular you are.  The truth is, a child only needs one or two close friends to gain self-esteem and a sense of belonging. 

Here are some tips to share with your child to help them make new friends – good friends – at school.

Take a deep breath. 

Keep things in perspective: you're going to a new school where there will be lots of kids your age. One good strategy is to find other kids who are new to the school. You’ll have this unfamiliar environment in common, with lots to talk about (comparing your classes and the teachers, doing homework assignments, and selecting extracurricular activities).

Take the first step. 

Be open to meeting new people who are different from you - the school will have kids from all different cultures and backgrounds. Keep your head up, and make eye contact with other people. Introduce yourself (to other kids and to adults) and remember that your smile will help make introductions easier. Try to sit in the middle of the class where you have people all around and you can make conversation. You can ask a question (Do you know if the cafeteria food is any good?), talk about the school (I heard they have a great softball team), or offer a compliment (I really like your shoes!) to get a conversation started.

Get involved. 

Probably the best strategy to make new friends is to pursue your own interests. Take part in the after-school activities you like.  Join the choir, try out for the team, or be part of the Drama club! You’ll meet lots of people with different personalities and share a common interest with everyone in the group. 

Practice the golden rule. 

Remember?  Treat others as you want to be treated yourself.  Show kindness and respect toward everyone you meet, and don't judge others before you get to know them. Do nice things because you want to, and not because you need to. Help pick up books dropped on the floor.  Save a seat.  Pay a compliment.  Everyone appreciates kindness.

Be yourself. 

Stay true to who you are.  Don’t fake an interest or change yourself to try to fit in with a particular group. Anyone who doesn’t accept you for you won’t be a real friend.  If you approach others authentically, you will attract people who want to connect with you, and you’ll find your future true friends among them.

Be aware. 

Many kids will already know each other, and there will be cliques – established groups of friends with common interests and personalities. There may be groups of “mean girls” or “thugs” or whatever – people you want to avoid for a while. You don’t want to judge them, because they may be very nice people! Clearly, you want to stay away from the types of kids who are in gangs and involved in criminal activities. Be yourself! Be strong!  Don’t try to please others if it doesn't please you.

Choose well. 

Like it or not, you become like the people you hang out with. Your friends are going to influence your behavior, so choose those who will be a positive influence!  Ask yourself these questions when you select your friends: Will they lift me up or drag me down?  Will spending time with them help me to become my best self? Will I be happier after spending time with them? Can I trust them with my dreams and goals?  If not, find friends who will. 

Remember: when it comes to friends, go for quality over quantity.

This teacher said "I don't believe in 'I can't'!"

Read this story about a teacher - a Band Director - that went an extra mile for her student.  At the Tutoring Club of Jacksonville, we know this impact that positive reinforcement, and a genuine interest in our students' lives makes.  We pulled this story from 11Alive.com:

SWANVILLE, Minn. – As his body weakened from a muscle disease, Ethan Och knew the time had come.

He told his music teacher he'd have to give up his favorite school activity.  "I was lagging behind," says Ethan. "And they were going ahead and there was no way for me to catch up with them."

His teacher, Gina Christopherson, remembers the day Ethan broke the news. "He said I really hate to do this, but I have to quit band."  If Ethan expected to ride his wheelchair into the band sunset, he picked the wrong director.  "I don't believe in 'I can't,'" says Mrs. Christopherson.

Today Ethan is back in the percussion section, drumming on an iPad hooked to an amplifier.  Mrs. Christopherson got the idea from Ethan himself, the day she saw him playing with a drum app on his smartphone.  "My first day digging through iTunes I downloaded 75 different apps," Mrs. Christopherson says.  Several of those apps are now loaded on an iPad from the school's special education department, giving Ethan an assortment of drums, cymbals and a keyboard, he plays with his fingers.

"Exactly the same as his classmates," says Mrs. Christopherson, "just a different mode."  Not all band directors felt that way. Mrs. Christopherson says it took some convincing before the Minnesota State High School League agreed that Ethan's amplified music would be allowed in band competitions.  But that was only one of the hurdles. When marching band season came Ethan cleared another, thanks to a baby stroller and a car battery that kept his amplifier powered as he rolled along with the Swanville High School band.  "I could not understand how that would work," says Ethan.  He's learned since not to doubt his music teacher. "In her mind anything's possible," he says.

That includes Ethan's upcoming bus trip to New York City with the rest of the band. To be sure, Ethan's need for 24 hour nursing care presented an obstacle, but Mrs. Christopherson wasn't going let that stand in the way either.  An online fundraiser to help cover travel expenses for two nurses raised the needed $1200 in less than a day.  "He's part of the team, you don't leave somebody behind," Mrs. Christopherson says.

Ethan's parents know few band directors would go to such lengths.  "You have those people that see barriers when they look at things, and those who see doors," says Stephanie Och, Ethan's mom.

Mrs. Christopherson sees the entire Swanville community benefiting from Ethan's iPad drumming. "It's his success and we get to celebrate it too," she says.