Does Your Child’s Self-Esteem Help or Hurt Their Grades?

A student's self-esteem has a marked impact on academic performance, and affects how they engage in activities, deal with challenges and interact with others. A confident child learns eagerly, enjoys the company of friends and family, and often achieves established goals.  A child with low self-esteem, on the other hand, may have difficulty in school as the result of a lack of interest or an inability to focus on the work. They may be withdrawn, and reluctant to engage in after-school activities or try new things.  

When we work with children who have low self-esteem, our goal is to restore their belief in themselves so they can persist through personal and academic challenges. Their social core - the adults, peers and friends with whom they interact each day – have the most significant impact on their well being, and can help by giving encouragement and support.

Show appreciation for the things they do well.  Offer very specific feedback rather than generic praise. (Instead of “You aced your math test? That’s great!” try “You worked really hard to prepare for that test, and it’s paid off. I’m so proud of you!”)

Encourage their involvement in activities of interest to them.  Help them realize their natural talents, and don’t be overly concerned as their interests change and evolve.  

Help them learn to deal with failure.  If they encounter academic difficulties, help them understand that failure isn’t just a part of learning, it’s a part of life. You can Google ‘famous failures’ for some examples. 

• Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper editor because he "lacked imagination and had no good ideas."  
• Oprah Winfrey was fired from her job as a television reporter because she was deemed "unfit for TV". 
• Stephen King's first book, the horror thriller Carrie, initially received 30 rejections. Despondent, King threw it in the trash. His wife retrieved it and encouraged him to resubmit it to yet another publisher - and the rest is history.   

Demonstrate confidence that they can improve. No one succeeds with every attempt, and it’s important that your child understands that failure isn’t the end of the world.  Acknowledge their frustration, and then work together to develop strategies for improvement.

Growing up as a teen these days is difficult, and whether they’re your kids or not, they need your help.  Don’t hesitate to reach out to the kids nearest to you, with support and encouragement to boost their confidence and self-esteem. 
   
 That’s what we do every day at Tutoring Club of Jacksonville, and the results are magical.  Call us at 268-8556 to see how we can support your child.

Tips to Help Your Child Make New Friends

It doesn’t matter what grade your child is in - making new friends can be hard.  If your child is attending a new school, it’s natural to be nervous. Some kids believe the more friends you have, the more popular you are.  The truth is, a child only needs one or two close friends to gain self-esteem and a sense of belonging. 

Here are some tips to share with your child to help them make new friends – good friends – at school.

Take a deep breath. 

Keep things in perspective: you're going to a new school where there will be lots of kids your age. One good strategy is to find other kids who are new to the school. You’ll have this unfamiliar environment in common, with lots to talk about (comparing your classes and the teachers, doing homework assignments, and selecting extracurricular activities).

Take the first step. 

Be open to meeting new people who are different from you - the school will have kids from all different cultures and backgrounds. Keep your head up, and make eye contact with other people. Introduce yourself (to other kids and to adults) and remember that your smile will help make introductions easier. Try to sit in the middle of the class where you have people all around and you can make conversation. You can ask a question (Do you know if the cafeteria food is any good?), talk about the school (I heard they have a great softball team), or offer a compliment (I really like your shoes!) to get a conversation started.

Get involved. 

Probably the best strategy to make new friends is to pursue your own interests. Take part in the after-school activities you like.  Join the choir, try out for the team, or be part of the Drama club! You’ll meet lots of people with different personalities and share a common interest with everyone in the group. 

Practice the golden rule. 

Remember?  Treat others as you want to be treated yourself.  Show kindness and respect toward everyone you meet, and don't judge others before you get to know them. Do nice things because you want to, and not because you need to. Help pick up books dropped on the floor.  Save a seat.  Pay a compliment.  Everyone appreciates kindness.

Be yourself. 

Stay true to who you are.  Don’t fake an interest or change yourself to try to fit in with a particular group. Anyone who doesn’t accept you for you won’t be a real friend.  If you approach others authentically, you will attract people who want to connect with you, and you’ll find your future true friends among them.

Be aware. 

Many kids will already know each other, and there will be cliques – established groups of friends with common interests and personalities. There may be groups of “mean girls” or “thugs” or whatever – people you want to avoid for a while. You don’t want to judge them, because they may be very nice people! Clearly, you want to stay away from the types of kids who are in gangs and involved in criminal activities. Be yourself! Be strong!  Don’t try to please others if it doesn't please you.

Choose well. 

Like it or not, you become like the people you hang out with. Your friends are going to influence your behavior, so choose those who will be a positive influence!  Ask yourself these questions when you select your friends: Will they lift me up or drag me down?  Will spending time with them help me to become my best self? Will I be happier after spending time with them? Can I trust them with my dreams and goals?  If not, find friends who will. 

Remember: when it comes to friends, go for quality over quantity.

How to Help Your Child Be Successful and Self-Assured

Consider Your Compliments  If you tell your child "Good job!" with every accomplishment, or exaggerate your praise (“You’re the best player on the team!), they may have a hard time recognizing when their work is really worth celebrating.  Instead of praising your child when they do something they’re supposed to do, try a simple “Thanks” instead.  Make every effort to give very specific feedback. Instead of saying their artwork is beautiful, maybe you could praise them for their design or use of a particular color.  

Let Your Child Make Decisions   When your child has the opportunity to make choices, they’ll gain confidence in his own good judgment.  When they’re young, it’s best to give them two or three choices.  Rather than asking what they want to wear, for example, allow them to select between two or three outfits you’ve put together ahead of time.  And let them know there are other things that aren’t up for a vote, like swimming lessons, or weekly trips to the library. 

Cooking in the kitchen with Mom

Encourage Special Interests   Expose your child to many activities, and encourage them when they find interests they want to pursue. Kids who have a passion are proud of their expertise. And hobbies can be helpful for kids who find it difficult to fit in.  A student with a talent for painting, for example, may lead the pep squad in creating posters supporting the school’s sports team. 

Look for Ways to Help Others   It’s empowering for a young child to help you with a project.  Seeing the effort and planning that grown-up tasks require, and watching their parent taking mistakes in stride, will make kids feel better when they have to work at their own projects in the future.

Don’t Save Your Child   We all want to keep our child from getting hurt, but when you intervene you’re not doing them any favors.  Kids will learn to succeed by overcoming obstacles, not by having the obstacles removed for them.  They need to know they can take risks without feeling their parents will criticize or correct them for doing something wrong.  We all learn by doing – and by being allowed to make mistakes without being reprimanded - or seeing you mess up without making a big deal about it - will help your kids understand that mistakes are part of life, and something to be learned from.

These are just a few things you can do to help your child be happy, healthy and confident. At the Tutoring Club of Jacksonville, we focus on your whole child, by improving academics, building character and instilling confidence.  Our kids love to come here; more importantly, they love the results they get from their work with us.  Call us at 268-8556 to see how we can help your child.